It all started with a blanket. I had been unwell for quite some time and then one afternoon as I was sitting up in bed, exhausted and low, out of nowhere came the memory in my hands of what it felt like to crochet. I hadn't done it since childhood and suddenly I could feel the soothing repetitive motion as clearly as if it had been yesterday. My mind thought it couldn't remember, but my hands still knew.
It was such a strong impulse that I followed it. Money was tight but that afternoon I found a mixed selection of small balls of yarn on eBay and ordered them for myself. I had no idea why this sudden urge had arisen but I knew without question that I wanted to make a blanket. I remember being fascinated by one I'd seen on a television programme when I was younger and even then at about 12 years old I'd wanted to make one, but somehow that creativity had got stifled along the way.
But now something in me was insistent so I spent some time searching online for blanket inspiration and patterns. It was then that I discovered the world of blogs. Bloggers sharing ideas and makes and some of the most beautiful colourful blankets. I think the first one I found was Attic24 and from there my search grew wider and eventually I found myself reading blogs that were nothing to do with crochet, but sparked an interest or connection in me.
I made the blanket and it was a doorway back to creativity and my love of colour that had never really left me. It was therapeutic in so many ways. Trusting that urge was one of the most important things I learnt about healing, and by trusting other urges and instincts since then in all sorts of ways I've been able to bring my health back into balance again.
And then my own blog. I don't think it would have happened if it hadn't been for that journey. I started my first about 5 years ago and then transitioned to this one in November 2015. I have absolutely loved writing it and sharing my thoughts and photos of the natural world around me that I love so much. It has been an important part of my healing and my life, and so it is with a lot of sadness that I tell you that this will be my last post here. I've been thinking about it on and off for a year or so, but it wasn't until yesterday that I knew with absolute certainty that the time was right. I am trusting my instincts.
The hardest part of this of course is leaving the connections I've made here with you all, my blog friends. It has been an absolute pleasure and privilege to get to know you over the last few years and I am so very grateful for all your kind, thoughtful and inspiring comments and the conversations we have had here. As I think about that I feel tearful and tempted to stay, but other parts of life are calling too.
Most bloggers are moving away from blogging in favour of Instagram, but I am not one of them. I am more likely to go offline completely than I am to set up on social media! I am letting this go in order to make space for new things to grow. They have been emerging gradually over the last few years but have not found enough room to flourish yet. I don't write here as regularly as I used to but there is a part of my mind reserved for the blog and I need its full capacity right now. My head is full of ideas and creations and my heart is full of passion for a new way of living. And I have to listen.
Some of these things may come to fruition in a public way in the future, including possibly another blog, so if you'd like me to let you know what emerges please do say so in the comments and make sure you fill in the email field. (Your email address will only be visible to me.)
You may well still see me in the comments on other blogs or I might have a complete break from the blog world for a little while, I'm not sure yet.
But for now, to all of you who have been reading here quietly over the years and to all of you who have been part of the conversation, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU for joining me here.